How Dare You !!

I am absolutely furious that some of You are daring to take part in illegal strike action, because We have been forced to bring in Italian and Portuguese British skilled workmen to do the work that You unskilled sassenach baboons can't. You know perfectly well that I, Your leader, am not a Tory ( You can tell as I am doing everything I can in these difficult GLOBAL times, which started in AMERICA, whereas the TORIES WOULD DO NOTHING. ) so You are not permitted to go on strike on My watch. I, Your leader, am ordering You to cease forthwith this illegal action, You wouldn't like Me when I'm angry ( the tea lady didn't like it just now when I threw My mobile phone at Her and She ran off crying because She forgot My paris bun, well its not My fault it's Yours and that do-nothing, lah-di-dah, Tory fop Camerons as well. ) Now I've mentioned Him I'm really angry, if He dares to question the way I run the country tomorrow I'm going to have Him arrested for sedition, wheres that Paul Stephensons number? He owes Me one now. You had all better write to the tea lady and apologise.

How Great I am !!

Serious New Year greetings to all my subjects, I believe this will be a magnificent year, in spite of the global crisis, which started in America. Do not concern yourselves, continue to earn money to spend ( not on alcohol or tobacco, ) so I may collect revenues to spend on the right things like keeping watch on Your criminal behaviour, and also reminding You that the tories would do nothing. In spite of what some of My more shiftless ministers have been saying I will not be calling an election this year as this would be an inconvenience to Me as well as You, so I will continue to lead You out of My own public spiritedness, until such time as I can remove illegal parties such as the tories, who would do nothing, and are not fit to oppose my party.

Its time to be serious again.

Hello, it's Me Your serious Prime Minister again. I hope You enjoyed the Christmas break I, your leader, generously allowed You. The tories, of course, would have done nothing. Soon it will be New Year, We will face many challenges together because of the global problems, which started in America, fortunately I have already saved the world. Soon I will travel to America, where it started, to advise My personal friend, Barack Obama, on how He must run his country, I have already travelled to many countries to save them from the global crisis, which started in America, they all agreed with Me except the Germans, with their big sausages and the tories who would do nothing. Soon I will also visit My Army who I am leading in two wars, which started in America, they look to Me for My leadership and I will boost their morale with one of My inspiring speeches, unlike David Cameron who would do nothing because He is a tory (and a toff.)

Thank Me for Christmas.

I would like to wish You all a serious Christmas, this Year I'm allowing Christmas in spite of the problems which started in America. I hope You have spent a lot of money for Christmas to help with the crisis which started in America. I have generously reduced VAT by 2.5% to help all You hard pressed families spend money, the Tories would have done nothing, I will be collecting the extra tax from You soon when things become easier, which should be about 3 months from now. By then You will feel the benefits of low interest rates, (not the 15% rates set by the Tories,who would do nothing. in the 1990's boom and bust years, when You had no jobs and Your houses were reposessed). Also I have made food and petrol cheaper to help hard pressed families, the Tories would do nothing. Please ensure You do not drink too much, or smoke, waste food, or offend any non-Christians, especially Muslims (not the evil jihadis My soldiers are bravely fighting in Afghanistan, but the peaceful non jihadi British Muslims here.) Did I remember to say You can enjoy Christmas becauseI saved the world.

I'm a very serious person.

Hello, I'm the Prime Minister, that means I'm Your boss. I am very important, serious and important. It is right that You should respect Me because I am much more important than You, and very serious. Not like that Tory toff Cameron, who would do nothing. There are a few problems at the moment , which started in America. I speak for the world, except Germany, Germany and Zimbabwe, did I mention I saved the world? nobody likes Germans anyway with their cash and their savings and their big sausages. Did I mention that it started in America? before I saved the World. because I'm not a Tory, they would do nothing and they are toffs. I'm a very serious person.